Actual Airline Cabin Announcements

[Mrjaydeeone]

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to
make the in flight "safety lecture" and
announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some
real examples that have been heard or reported:

1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned
seating, you just sit where you want) passengers
were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a
flight attendant announced, "People, people we're
not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get
in it!"

2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior"
flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and
gent lemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will
be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your
comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight
attendants."

3. On landing, the st ewardess said, "Please be sure
to take all of your belongings. If you're going to
leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd
like to have.

4. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but
there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"

5. "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We
hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as
we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

6. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at
Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the
loudspeaker: "Whoa, big ! fella. W HOA !"

7. After a particularly rough landing during
thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a
Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when
opening the overhead compartments because, after a
landing like that, sure as hell everything has
shifted."

8. From a Southwest Airlines employee : "Welcome
aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa . To operate
your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the
buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every
other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to
operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
unsupervised."

9. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure,
masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming,
grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you
have a small child traveling with you, secure your
mask before assisting with theirs. If you are
traveling with more than one small child, pick your
favorite."

10. "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with
some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed
before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody
loves you, or your money, more than Southwest
Airlines."

11. "Your seat cush ions can be used for flotation;
and, in the event of an emergency water landing,
please paddle to shore and take them with our
compliments."

12. "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all
of your belongings. Anything left behind will be
distributed evenly among the flight attendants.
Please do not leav e children or spouses."

13. And from the pilot during his welcome message:
"Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best
flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately,
none of them are on this flight!"

14. Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very
hard landing in Salt Lake City the flight attendant
came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a
bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here
to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't
the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's
; fault, it was the asphalt."

15. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into
Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy
day: During the final approach, the Captain was
really having to fight it. After an extremely hard
landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and
Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo . Please remain in
your seats with your seat belts fastened while the
Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the
gate!"

16. Another flight attendant's comment on a less
than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain
seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the
terminal."

17. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular
flight he had hammered his ship into the runway
really hard. The airline had a policy which required
the first officer to stand at the door while the
Passengers exited, smile, and giv e them a "Thanks
for flying our airline." He said that, in light of
his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would
have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten
off except for a little old lady walking with a
cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a
question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What
is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or
were we shot down?"

18. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix,
the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen,
please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and
the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching
halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has
cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll
open the door and you can pick your way through the
wreckage to the terminal."

19. Part of a f light attendant's arrival
announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for
flying with us today. And, the next time you get the
insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a
pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US
Airways."

[zerioustt]

lmao@ it was the asphalt

[Evo8kid]

my boss is good friends with a pilot, when i see him hes always cracking jokes. One time he was flying from somewhere to New York, upon arrival he said: "ladies and gentalmen, i ask you remain seated until the plane reaches the terminal." Two minutes after thathe said "for those of you in your seats, welcome to New York. For those of you pushing your way up the isle, welcome home."

[Uberu]

One puerto rican pilot once said, "at our destination, today's weather is hot with a chance of passion." Just kidding that was from the simpsons, my dad is a pilot and surprisingly has never told us anything funny about what he says.

[Jeffros Spec V]

Originally Posted by SGMsubI

One puerto rican pilot once said, "at our destination, today's weather is hot with a chance of passion." Just kidding that was from the simpsons, my dad is a pilot and surprisingly has never told us anything funny about what he says.

He did however tell us a story of when he went to use the bathroom, opened up the door and there was man butt naked with his pants in his hand. The guy looked my Dad in the eye and said "Never trust a fart."

[DoubleOughtCel]

Originally Posted by Jeffros Spec V

He did however tell us a story of when he went to use the bathroom, opened up the door and there was man butt naked with his pants in his hand. The guy looked my Dad in the eye and said "Never trust a fart."

Ahahhahahahahahha!!!! Thats ****ing hilarious

[wrx_snobordr]

HA HA HA So good!

[05Accent]

haha i was laughing at a few of them..