how to change your oil

[Crzyguy972]

Oil Change instructions for women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since
the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00

Oil Change instructions for men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to Auto Zone parts store and buy a case
of
oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a
check
for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive
home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in
process.
Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
Throw
kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil
filter and
twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in
trash can
to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil
change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag
pan
full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in
back
yard instead of taking it back to service station to recycle.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
gasket
surface, be sure filter is full of oil.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,
along
with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily
dirt
into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of
ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower
gas.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw
kitty
litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily
rag
used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening
drain
plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood
flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
during
steps 23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife, make bail
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $40.00
Total - - $4,165.00

But you know the job was done right!

[On Sale]

hahahaa that was awesome

[D Money]

lol thats funny as hell

[james_ls]

Haha very very true...

[Raven18940]

Seen it, but I still love it.

[TimmahWRX]

hmmm....never thought of it that way, lol. my friend in florida had a mishap with a jiffylube in Florida...the girl (jiffylube employee) driving his car backed it into a wall...and he still had to pay for the oil change. needless to say, he was less than pleased...i guess the moral of the story is to change your own oil and get that feeling of a job done right

[TROLL]

i kept wanting to stop reading it but i couldnt! funny stuff.
and yeah i spend as much after i get mobil 1 oil and a pure one filter and the crush washer at the dealer, but whateva....

[wrxman60]

that all happened to me last week... very funny

[EvlEgl]

I just dont want other people touching my car...So i'll spend the same amount and do it myself.

But def a funny Post!

[brk4sti]

[EDIT]post deleted due to offtopic and offensive statement[/EDIT]

[On Sale]

Originally Posted by brk4sti

[EDIT]post deleted due to offtopic and offensive statement[/EDIT]

hahahahaahha that was funny

[04BlueSRT4]

[djsushi]

Originally Posted by brk4sti

[EDIT]post deleted due to offtopic and offensive statement[/EDIT]

[EDIT]post deleted due to offtopic and offensive statement[/EDIT]

[96s14]

That was awesome but sadly it has never happened to me.

[the mike]

Brk4sti, you need to knock off the childish crap. And Sushi, please don't reply in the future. Use the "report bad post" icon(the exclamation point).


And Jiffy Lube isn't any worse than any other place. I have seen dealers not put on filters and cook motors.

[brk4sti]

[EDIT]post deleted due to offtopic and offensive statement[/EDIT]

[djsushi]

Originally Posted by brk4sti

A[EDIT]post deleted due to offtopic and offensive statement[/EDIT]

[EDIT]post deleted due to offtopic and offensive statement[/EDIT]

[On Sale]

[EDIT]post deleted due to offtopic and offensive statement[/EDIT]

[redline]

Someone here has done at least half of them.

[bluengoldsti]

my friend used to work at this place, that will remain nameless, and one of the guys there forgot to put oil in and backed the car out into the parking lot. that one made me laugh.