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Old 08-05-2010, 05:26 PM   #1
james_ls
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Solution to all your dating problems!

Here’s some “quality” advice for all those guys out there who just got dumped. (You’re welcome.)

O.K. This is how it goes. You get an orangutan. I’m not talking a monkey or some dancing chimp BS, I mean a damn orangutan. Don’t ask me how you’re gonna get an orangutan that’s not my problem. So the orangutan’s name is Clyde. This is non-negotiable, all orangutans are named Clyde. I don’t know why this is, it’s just how the world works. So you and Clyde become man (and ape) about town. You’re seen everywhere together, you make the scene. You and friends go out in big groups. You talk loud, you laugh louder. Every time you say something witty you high-five the orangutan. The town begins to buzz. It gets back to her. “Did you know the guy with the orangutan?” “You used to date the guy with the orangutan?” “Why would you break up with a guy with an orangutan?” Next thing you know she’s calling.

“I’m hoping we can still be friends. Wanna hang out sometime?” “Geez I dunno, me and Clyde were going to a monster truck race tonight. (Orangutans love monster trucks) In fact the whole social calendar seems kinda full. I tell you what, I’ll make a little note (what was your name again?) and maybe I can squeeze you in.” “Oh, well you know my number so don’t be a stra-” “Hey look at the time! I gotta skate, Clyde’s making Mojitos’.”

At this point the upper hand is yours. You can let her twist in the wind; you can draw her back into your life at the pace you decide. Whatever, it’s your life. But if you’re a smart man? You slowly phase her back in. You’re IM’ng. You’re talking on Live. You get invited to family functions. You bring Clyde, he becomes like one of the family. You’re one big Brady Bunch.

You're welcome.
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Old 08-05-2010, 05:29 PM   #2
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Hahaha
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Old 08-05-2010, 05:46 PM   #3
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lmfaooo
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Old 08-05-2010, 06:35 PM   #4
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thats pretty funny.
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Old 08-05-2010, 07:24 PM   #5
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Old 08-05-2010, 07:30 PM   #6
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ancient joke but still funny :D
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Old 08-05-2010, 10:38 PM   #7
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Now I need a girlfriend just so I can try to get dumped and buy an orangutan.
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Old 08-06-2010, 12:50 AM   #8
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it's not legal to own one as a pet.
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Old 08-06-2010, 10:22 AM   #9
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^Ughhhh. Listen, Debbie Downer, no one likes a pessimist.
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Old 08-06-2010, 10:24 AM   #10
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The pretending you from the future one is better IMO
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Old 08-06-2010, 10:33 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by fitftw View Post
it's not legal to own one as a pet.
it's not owning if they're your friend
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Old 08-06-2010, 10:51 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fitftw View Post
it's not legal to own one as a pet.
Is there ever a point in time when you don't have "look at me" syndrome?
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Old 08-06-2010, 04:00 PM   #13
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it's not legal to own one as a pet.

No ****? I always thought it was totally legal to own one
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Old 08-06-2010, 05:05 PM   #14
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it's not owning if they're your friend
You would need proof of friendship. A creative handshake should suffice.
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