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james_ls · 08-05-2010, 05:26 PM

Here’s some “quality” advice for all those guys out there who just got dumped. (You’re welcome.)

O.K. This is how it goes. You get an orangutan. I’m not talking a monkey or some dancing chimp BS, I mean a damn orangutan. Don’t ask me how you’re gonna get an orangutan that’s not my problem. So the orangutan’s name is Clyde. This is non-negotiable, all orangutans are named Clyde. I don’t know why this is, it’s just how the world works. So you and Clyde become man (and ape) about town. You’re seen everywhere together, you make the scene. You and friends go out in big groups. You talk loud, you laugh louder. Every time you say something witty you high-five the orangutan. The town begins to buzz. It gets back to her. “Did you know the guy with the orangutan?” “You used to date the guy with the orangutan?” “Why would you break up with a guy with an orangutan?” Next thing you know she’s calling.

“I’m hoping we can still be friends. Wanna hang out sometime?” “Geez I dunno, me and Clyde were going to a monster truck race tonight. (Orangutans love monster trucks) In fact the whole social calendar seems kinda full. I tell you what, I’ll make a little note (what was your name again?) and maybe I can squeeze you in.” “Oh, well you know my number so don’t be a stra-” “Hey look at the time! I gotta skate, Clyde’s making Mojitos’.”

At this point the upper hand is yours. You can let her twist in the wind; you can draw her back into your life at the pace you decide. Whatever, it’s your life. But if you’re a smart man? You slowly phase her back in. You’re IM’ng. You’re talking on Live. You get invited to family functions. You bring Clyde, he becomes like one of the family. You’re one big Brady Bunch.

You're welcome.

omgjacki · 08-05-2010, 05:29 PM

Hahaha

VERTZX · 08-05-2010, 05:46 PM

lmfaooo

FocusDude · 08-05-2010, 06:35 PM

thats pretty funny.

lownslow95 · 08-05-2010, 07:24 PM

g0dzuki · 08-05-2010, 07:30 PM

ancient joke but still funny :D

MacAttack · 08-05-2010, 10:38 PM

Now I need a girlfriend just so I can try to get dumped and buy an orangutan.

fitftw · 08-06-2010, 12:50 AM

it's not legal to own one as a pet.

Snoozie · 08-06-2010, 10:22 AM

^Ughhhh. Listen, Debbie Downer, no one likes a pessimist.

Elliott18t · 08-06-2010, 10:24 AM

The pretending you from the future one is better IMO

Scapegoat · 08-06-2010, 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fitftw

it's not legal to own one as a pet.

it's not owning if they're your friend

james_ls · 08-06-2010, 10:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fitftw

it's not legal to own one as a pet.

Is there ever a point in time when you don't have "look at me" syndrome?

sean3 · 08-06-2010, 04:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fitftw

it's not legal to own one as a pet.

No ****? I always thought it was totally legal to own one

MacAttack · 08-06-2010, 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scapegoat

it's not owning if they're your friend

You would need proof of friendship. A creative handshake should suffice.

08-05-2010, 05:26 PM	#1
james_ls TST Ruined My Life! Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Warrington Member #1614 My Ride: 1998 Acura Integra LS//VTEC iTrader: (0)	Solution to all your dating problems! Here’s some “quality” advice for all those guys out there who just got dumped. (You’re welcome.) O.K. This is how it goes. You get an orangutan. I’m not talking a monkey or some dancing chimp BS, I mean a damn orangutan. Don’t ask me how you’re gonna get an orangutan that’s not my problem. So the orangutan’s name is Clyde. This is non-negotiable, all orangutans are named Clyde. I don’t know why this is, it’s just how the world works. So you and Clyde become man (and ape) about town. You’re seen everywhere together, you make the scene. You and friends go out in big groups. You talk loud, you laugh louder. Every time you say something witty you high-five the orangutan. The town begins to buzz. It gets back to her. “Did you know the guy with the orangutan?” “You used to date the guy with the orangutan?” “Why would you break up with a guy with an orangutan?” Next thing you know she’s calling. “I’m hoping we can still be friends. Wanna hang out sometime?” “Geez I dunno, me and Clyde were going to a monster truck race tonight. (Orangutans love monster trucks) In fact the whole social calendar seems kinda full. I tell you what, I’ll make a little note (what was your name again?) and maybe I can squeeze you in.” “Oh, well you know my number so don’t be a stra-” “Hey look at the time! I gotta skate, Clyde’s making Mojitos’.” At this point the upper hand is yours. You can let her twist in the wind; you can draw her back into your life at the pace you decide. Whatever, it’s your life. But if you’re a smart man? You slowly phase her back in. You’re IM’ng. You’re talking on Live. You get invited to family functions. You bring Clyde, he becomes like one of the family. You’re one big Brady Bunch. You're welcome. __________________ *Heller Dope* - When the ** is doper than Hellen Keller; it's Heller Dope To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 signatures. BUY MY STUFF!** To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 signatures.

08-05-2010, 05:29 PM	#2
omgjacki Tri-State Post Whore Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Gilbertsville, PA Member #5869 My Ride: 2018 CX-5 GT Premium, 2018 Honda Grom iTrader: (4)	Hahaha __________________ Ryan M. Sherwood September 9, 1985 - October 7, 2009

08-05-2010, 06:35 PM	#4
FocusDude Tri-State Post Whore Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Lower Lower Bucks Member #6269 My Ride: 01 Focus ZX3 iTrader: (0)	thats pretty funny. __________________ 2001 Ford Focus ZX3 - To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 signatures. - To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 signatures.

08-05-2010, 07:30 PM	#6
g0dzuki Tri-State Addict Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: NY/NJ Member #15544 My Ride: Scion tC iTrader: (0)	ancient joke but still funny :D __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 signatures. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 signatures.

08-05-2010, 10:38 PM	#7
MacAttack Tri-State Training Wheels Join Date: Jun 2010 Member #16808 My Ride: 2010 Lancer GTS iTrader: (0)	Now I need a girlfriend just so I can try to get dumped and buy an orangutan. __________________ Hey guys. Woah, Big Gulps, huh? All right! Well, see ya later.

08-06-2010, 12:50 AM	#8
fitftw Tri-State Post Whore Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: CNJ Member #15351 My Ride: 96 Miata 2,040lbs full tank, hardtop, half-cage iTrader: (0)	it's not legal to own one as a pet. __________________ 96 Miata gutted toy car 94 Shadow DD To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 signatures. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 signatures.

08-06-2010, 10:22 AM	#9
Snoozie Tri-State Post Whore Join Date: May 2006 Member #1887 iTrader: (0)	^Ughhhh. Listen, Debbie Downer, no one likes a pessimist. __________________ Ya take 'em off. "Everyone learns faster on fire." - Alkaline Trio

08-06-2010, 10:24 AM	#10
Elliott18t Tri-State Post Whore Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Blue bell/Ambler ,PA Member #9456 My Ride: 03 GTI w/ F4h-T 250-260hp goal iTrader: (0)	The pretending you from the future one is better IMO __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 signatures. TST's Dub Cult

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