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DropTopChevy · 10-01-2007, 07:07 PM

A recently divorced man finds a genie. the genie says to the man "I will give you 3 wishes but your ex-wife will get double of whatever you ask for." The man says "alright" and begins to think about his wishes. The man responds by saying "I wish for a huge house." and the genie says "Your wish is granted, but your ex-wife will get 2 huge houses." Next the man says to the genie "I want a fleet of expensive cars to drive." The genie says "Your wish is granted, but your ex-wife will get twice as many cars." Well the man stops and thinks about his last wish for a little while and he stops and says "Genie I have decided what my final wish will be." The genie reminds the man that his ex wife will get double of what he wishes for. The man responds with "Genie I want you to beat me half to death." and the genie says "Your wish is my command and your ex-wife will get double."

james_ls · 10-01-2007, 08:32 PM

^^ That's the first one I LoL-ed to.^^

gpzjack · 10-01-2007, 09:16 PM

What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?

Full

What kind of meat do priest eat?

Nun

Did you hear mickey killed Minnie?

She was Fu$$ing Goofie.

How do you know a Pollock designed women?

Who else would put the shi$$er so close to the salad bar?

goodfella732 · 10-01-2007, 09:46 PM

What do they call abortions in Prague?

canceled checks

A woman meets a man in a bar.

They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment.

She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had
put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running
all the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears,

She is quite impressed by his sensitive side, but doesn't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking,
"Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?"
She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips

He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom
where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love. She is so over whelmed that she responds with more passion,
more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.

After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was it?"

The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says:
"Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf"

Piro · 10-01-2007, 11:51 PM

That was funny

den9 · 10-02-2007, 12:04 AM

whats the worst thing you can call a woman?

your wife

confucius say, man with penis in peanut butter jar, fukn nuts!

MikeyLittle · 10-02-2007, 02:26 AM

oh jeez dont start with the confucious sayings lol,
2 Blondes walk into a building......you'd think one of them would of saw it..
Confucious says..Baseball all wrong, how can man walk with 4 balls..

esunbaboon · 10-02-2007, 09:58 AM

confucius say man who fishes in other man's well catches nothing but crabs.

tjf · 10-02-2007, 10:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by goodfella732

What do they call abortions in Prague?canceled checks

drew · 10-03-2007, 12:30 AM

I got caught in traffic today and bumped the car in front of me.

The driver got out and walked towards me. He was a dwarf.

He said "I'm not happy."

I said "Well which one are you then?"

DropTopChevy · 10-04-2007, 03:18 PM

How do you know when there is an Irishman in the hospital?

He's the one blowing the foam off his bed pan.

den9 · 10-08-2007, 07:36 PM

whats the most confusing day in harlem?

fathers day

vwcorradokid · 10-08-2007, 08:22 PM

Confucius say: Man who walks through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok
Confucius say: It is good for boy to meet girl in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.
Confucius say: Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk.
Confucius say: War doesn't determine who is right. War determines who is left.
Confucius say: Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

CleanNeon98 · 10-11-2007, 01:47 AM

After you have sex with a girl just get up and say "here is the condom I said I put on"

99SL2_Modder · 10-11-2007, 03:49 AM

A fast Saturn.

drew · 10-11-2007, 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CleanNeon98

After you have sex with a girl just get up and say "here is the condom I said I put on"

man that's not funny at all, once you have a pregnancy scare you will understand that **** is not something to joke about

redwrxwagon02 · 10-11-2007, 09:25 AM

sorry alex that joke was lamer than FDR's legs

the first "after you have sex" joke was hilarious though

CHAOS · 10-11-2007, 01:23 PM

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"

"Yes. What can I do for you?"

"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith.... He's hidin'
marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them
logs, but he's hidin' it there."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search
the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece
of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil! This here's
Floyd....did the Sheriff come?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep!"

"Happy Birthday, buddy!"

olletsocmit · 10-11-2007, 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by esunbaboon

Women's rights.

hahaha. messed up, but funny

TGilb2007 · 10-11-2007, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CHAOS

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"

"Yes. What can I do for you?"

"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith.... He's hidin'
marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them
logs, but he's hidin' it there."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search
the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece
of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil! This here's
Floyd....did the Sheriff come?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep!"

"Happy Birthday, buddy!"

Ok.... I LOL'd a bit

10-01-2007, 07:07 PM	#41
DropTopChevy Tri-State Post Whore Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: In a big house Member #242 My Ride: 2002 2.8 30V V6 iTrader: (6)	A recently divorced man finds a genie. the genie says to the man "I will give you 3 wishes but your ex-wife will get double of whatever you ask for." The man says "alright" and begins to think about his wishes. The man responds by saying "I wish for a huge house." and the genie says "Your wish is granted, but your ex-wife will get 2 huge houses." Next the man says to the genie "I want a fleet of expensive cars to drive." The genie says "Your wish is granted, but your ex-wife will get twice as many cars." Well the man stops and thinks about his last wish for a little while and he stops and says "Genie I have decided what my final wish will be." The genie reminds the man that his ex wife will get double of what he wishes for. The man responds with "Genie I want you to beat me half to death." and the genie says "Your wish is my command and your ex-wife will get double." __________________ The great thing about being an architect is that you can walk into your dreams. - Harold E. Wagoner, 1986

10-01-2007, 08:32 PM	#42
james_ls TST Ruined My Life! Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Warrington Member #1614 My Ride: 1998 Acura Integra LS//VTEC iTrader: (0)	^^ That's the first one I LoL-ed to.^^ __________________ *Heller Dope* - When the ** is doper than Hellen Keller; it's Heller Dope To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 signatures. BUY MY STUFF!** To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 signatures.

10-01-2007, 09:16 PM	#43
gpzjack Tri-State Addict Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Aston Member #3422 My Ride: 07 Legacy 06 Mazda5 96 Dakota 78 Firebird 03 Kawasaki iTrader: (2)	What do you call a hooker with a runny nose? Full What kind of meat do priest eat? Nun Did you hear mickey killed Minnie? She was Fu$$ing Goofie. How do you know a Pollock designed women? Who else would put the shi$$er so close to the salad bar? __________________ 07 Legacy 06 Mazda5 96 Dakota 78 Firebird 03 Kawasaki To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 signatures.

10-01-2007, 09:46 PM	#44
goodfella732 Tri-State Addict Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: NJ Member #3168 My Ride: Es Are Tee Quattro iTrader: (3)	What do they call abortions in Prague? canceled checks A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment. She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display. There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf. She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears, She is quite impressed by his sensitive side, but doesn't mention this to him. They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking, "Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?" She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love. She is so over whelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known. After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was it?" The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says: "Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf" __________________ I am Jack's colon. I get cancer and kill Jack. 2006 OBP Subaru STi

10-03-2007, 12:30 AM	#50
drew Tri-State Post Whore Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Broomall, PA Member #2617 My Ride: fuzion & exploder iTrader: (8)	I got caught in traffic today and bumped the car in front of me. The driver got out and walked towards me. He was a dwarf. He said "I'm not happy." I said "Well which one are you then?" __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 signatures.

10-01-2007, 11:51 PM	#45
Piro Tri-State Aficionado Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: PA Member #296 iTrader: (0)	That was funny

10-02-2007, 12:04 AM	#46
den9 Tri-State Post Whore Banned Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: doylestown Member #1198 My Ride: turbo diesel iTrader: (0)	whats the worst thing you can call a woman? your wife confucius say, man with penis in peanut butter jar, fukn nuts!

10-02-2007, 02:26 AM	#47
MikeyLittle Noob-Jersey Join Date: Sep 2007 Member #5805 My Ride: '05 ACR Srt-4 iTrader: (0)	oh jeez dont start with the confucious sayings lol, 2 Blondes walk into a building......you'd think one of them would of saw it.. Confucious says..Baseball all wrong, how can man walk with 4 balls..

10-02-2007, 09:58 AM	#48
esunbaboon Tri-State Addict Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Feasterville Member #2490 My Ride: 1992 Volvo 940 Turbo iTrader: (0)	confucius say man who fishes in other man's well catches nothing but crabs.

10-04-2007, 03:18 PM	#51
DropTopChevy Tri-State Post Whore Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: In a big house Member #242 My Ride: 2002 2.8 30V V6 iTrader: (6)	How do you know when there is an Irishman in the hospital? He's the one blowing the foam off his bed pan. __________________ The great thing about being an architect is that you can walk into your dreams. - Harold E. Wagoner, 1986

10-08-2007, 07:36 PM	#52
den9 Tri-State Post Whore Banned Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: doylestown Member #1198 My Ride: turbo diesel iTrader: (0)	whats the most confusing day in harlem? fathers day

10-08-2007, 08:22 PM	#53
vwcorradokid Tri-State Post Whore Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: in a house Member #177 My Ride: '11 Ford F-150 Harley Davidson, '93 Supra iTrader: (0)	Confucius say: Man who walks through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok Confucius say: It is good for boy to meet girl in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl. Confucius say: Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk. Confucius say: War doesn't determine who is right. War determines who is left. Confucius say: Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ. __________________ Built by Import Intelligence Tuned by Tuning Concepts

10-11-2007, 01:47 AM	#54
CleanNeon98 TST Ruined My Life! Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Philadelphia Member #2029 My Ride: "Honey Badger" Turbo Miata iTrader: (8)	After you have sex with a girl just get up and say "here is the condom I said I put on" __________________ 2004 MAZDASPEED MX-5 : 328whp / 308wtq / 2500lbs 2012 Toyota Prius 2 : Daily Driver

10-11-2007, 09:25 AM	#57
redwrxwagon02 Tri-State Post Whore Join Date: Mar 2007 Member #4044 iTrader: (0)	sorry alex that joke was lamer than FDR's legs the first "after you have sex" joke was hilarious though __________________ oh thanks!

10-11-2007, 01:23 PM	#58
CHAOS TST Ruined My Life! Banned Join Date: Jun 2006 Member #2120 My Ride: 1984 Cadillac Brougham iTrader: (1)	-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?" "Yes. What can I do for you?" "I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith.... He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there." "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave. Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....did the Sheriff come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep!" "Happy Birthday, buddy!"

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