Open letter to the idiot on 95.

[the mike]

Dear Sir or Madam,

You are an idiot. I cannot convey with anymore succinctness my feelings. Did you not realize that you boxspring had fallen off during your trip? Yes, the lower part of YOUR BED magically disappeared from whatever contraption was used, unsuccessfully I might add, to haul your crap.
Were you blissfully unaware that you would be travelling on Interstate 95? You know, that road that connects Florida to the Northeast. The one with the really high average speed. Twine wasn't going to work here, pal. Nice try though.
Were you one of the 2 cars that were stopped on the side of the road staring at the hunk of furniture you had left on a major roadway? If so, DIAF. The fact that you left it there to get clobbered by my car is blatent disregard for personal property. It was 11:30 at night. The road wasn't so busy that you couldn't scamper over and remove it from the path of speeding vehicles. Oh to see the look on your face when I plowed over your little nightmare would have been priceless. The puff of stuffing and wood shards twirling through my wake, dancing like a kamakaze ragdoll, while you stood on the side of the road, mouth agape. Priceless.
Almost worth the aggravation of having to fix my tire this morning, and the gouges on the underside of my car. Douche. I hope the rest of your personal belongings are scattered halfway to Georgia.


Hoping you slept on the floor,


the mike












This last one is for Bryan.