Dear Santa...

[MuddyREX]

DEAR SANTA:

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.

yer Frend, BiLLy


Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger.

Santa

__________________________________________________ ___________

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world.

Love, Sarah


Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa
__________________________________________________ _______________

Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. What you can do?

Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,

Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he'll give that up to come back to your frigid mom who rides his ass constantly? Give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Lego's instead.

Santa
__________________________________________________ _______________

Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, a Playstation, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love, Francis

Dear Francis,

Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're ***, I'll set you up with a Barbie.

Santa
__________________________________________________ ______________


Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?

Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,

All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of ****tail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Anything else you want to know?

Santa
__________________________________________________ _____________
Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?

Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,

Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck in whatever you do.

Santa
__________________________________________________ ______________

Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

Love, Marky

Mark,

First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.

Santa