System failure-installed Girlfriend 1.0

[teh DIRT]

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0).

Recently he upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife1.0, and it's a memory hogger! It has taken all his space; and Wife1.0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he didn't ask for them, Wife1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw. These too slow down the system and cause a slow drain on the resources and well-being of the computer.

Some features I'd like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend4.0:

1. A "Don't remind me again" button.

2. Minimize button.

3. Shutdown feature - An install shield feature so that Girlfriend4.0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cache and other objects).

I tried running Girlfriend 2.0 with Girlfriend 1.0 still installed; they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1.0, but it didn't have an uninstall program. I tried to uninstall it by hand, but it put files in my system directory.

Another thing that sucks--in all versions of Girlfriend that I've used is that it is totally "object orientated" and only supports hardware with gold plated contacts.

Bug warning
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.

Also:

Subject: Computer Program issues


Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed
that
the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot
of
space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself
into
all other programs and now monitors all other system activity.
Applications
such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and
Racing
3.6 I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting
to run
my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend
7.0,
but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User. (KEEP READING)
______________________________ ________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it
is
just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING
SYSTEM
and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also
impossible to
delete Wife 1. 0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to
uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to
not
allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child
Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the
situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear"
to
alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because
ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the
system
will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high
maintenance. Wife
1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0,
Cook
It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use
will cause
the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the
only
way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional
software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With
Short
Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will
cause
irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support

I don't care who you are thats funny