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hummerman88 · 03-15-2006, 11:51 PM

How To Poop At Work

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable.
For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER . People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.
Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK: When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME: walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at work and is proud of it. You will often see an OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK: (P. F. N) A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. Thisgroup can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR: Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking andvulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this
occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential TURD BURGLAR. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLAR that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON: A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

WRXD · 03-16-2006, 12:11 AM

that is so funny..sounds like my work exactly

1988 Olds · 03-16-2006, 12:44 AM

Lol

teh DIRT · 03-16-2006, 01:21 AM

i have the safest haven ever. i work at a retirement home.

there are handicap single room bathrooms around. and one in particular is in an area where no one who actually needs it will be therefore i walk with a limp into the handicap bathroom. close the door. and proceed to curtosy flush my way to safety.

exiting the room is tricky because it dumps into a busy hallway. i get it done!

Bryan · 03-16-2006, 01:47 AM

Thank god for the safe haven bathroom in the unoccupied upstairs of my work

hummerman88 · 03-16-2006, 07:33 AM

well i work in a restraunt, so everytime i have to do the FLY-BY

poolmike · 03-16-2006, 08:18 AM

I was at a turnpike rest stop near Harrisburg yesterday. I walked into a restroom stall to take a leak, but some one left the unmentioned 'Havana Omlette' in the throne. It was nasty. I had to move on to the next stall.

TimmahWRX · 03-17-2006, 10:42 AM

lol, we printed that out and put it in our bathroom at work

MuddyREX · 03-17-2006, 10:46 AM

I am an Out Of The Closet Pooper. I am proud of my dumps.

03-15-2006, 11:51 PM	#1
hummerman88 Tri-State Addict Join Date: Sep 2005 Member #880 iTrader: (0)	work How To Poop At Work We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants. FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER . People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom. ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. JAILBREAK: When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred. COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME. WALK OF SHAME: walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH. OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at work and is proud of it. You will often see an OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER before entering the bathroom. THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK: (P. F. N) A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. Thisgroup can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS, and identify SAFE HAVENS. SAFE HAVENS: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom. TURD BURGLAR: Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking andvulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential TURD BURGLAR. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE. ASTAIRE: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLAR that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace. WATERMELON: A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH. __________________ That's right! Ice... man. I am dangerous! 2005 Blacked out Spec-v

03-16-2006, 12:44 AM	#3
1988 Olds Tri-State Post Whore Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Levittown, PA Member #201 My Ride: 2012 Chevy Cruze iTrader: (0)	Lol __________________ 1988 Oldsmobile Cutlass Surpeme Classic To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 signatures. Dynoed at 237hp and 292lbs at the rear wheels. Hmm ran 13.52 @ 103.42 11/10/06 1994 Hunter Green Acura Integra DB7, Stock

03-16-2006, 07:33 AM	#6
hummerman88 Tri-State Addict Join Date: Sep 2005 Member #880 iTrader: (0)	well i work in a restraunt, so everytime i have to do the FLY-BY __________________ That's right! Ice... man. I am dangerous! 2005 Blacked out Spec-v

03-17-2006, 10:42 AM	#8
TimmahWRX Tri-State Aficionado Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Birdsboro, PA Member #1354 My Ride: 2012 Chevy Sonic 1.4T iTrader: (0)	lol, we printed that out and put it in our bathroom at work __________________ Sold: 2003 WRX Wagon Current: 2012 Chevy Sonic 1.4T Hatch

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03-16-2006, 12:11 AM	#2
WRXD Tri-State Post Whore Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: SEPA Member #1156 My Ride: 2013 Ford Focus ST iTrader: (0)	that is so funny..sounds like my work exactly

03-16-2006, 01:47 AM	#5
Bryan Tri-State Aficionado Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Harrisburg, PA Member #1228 iTrader: (0)	Thank god for the safe haven bathroom in the unoccupied upstairs of my work

03-16-2006, 08:18 AM	#7
poolmike Tri-State Post Whore Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Richboro Member #543 My Ride: '68 Kaiser M715/ '37 Ford truck/'47 Dodge truck iTrader: (0)	I was at a turnpike rest stop near Harrisburg yesterday. I walked into a restroom stall to take a leak, but some one left the unmentioned 'Havana Omlette' in the throne. It was nasty. I had to move on to the next stall.

03-17-2006, 10:46 AM	#9
MuddyREX Tri-State Post Whore Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Perkasie, PA Member #82 My Ride: 02 Subaru WRX iTrader: (4)	I am an Out Of The Closet Pooper. I am proud of my dumps.