So I went to Jamaica... (pix will be posted at a later date)

[CHAOS]

Before you assholes jump me for not posting pictures... i took like 3 with my camera... everyone else was going picture crazy, so when i get them, ill post them...

Thursday - up at 230 AM to catch a 7am flight to montego bay, jamaica... everything was going great, we got to the airport early, i had some breakfast... easy goings... i was sitting next to my sister on the plane... and we had an empty seat next to us so i was stoked about having some extra room. well about 2 minutes before take off my hopes were smashed to bits by a fat jamaican woman who proceeded to shove her fat ass into the window seat... ****ing A. so that was a tight 3 hour flight... we flew over central cuba and landed in MoBay at around 9am jamaica time (they are an hour behind us in the NE)... went thru customs/ISA and were on our ****ty little bus to the resort... the main highways are right along the coast so the whole time you can see the ocean and shore.. we also got a chance to see the ups and downs of jamaican society. everything from people living in 5x5 shacks made of corragated steel to people living in mansions driving bimmers and such.

another thing that i found interesting is that, they really do talk like "YA MON, NO PROBLEM, and IRIE" ... i almost thought it was a schtick on the way in but EVERYONE talks like that... they also speak a bit of creole so that was interesting as well...

as soon as we arrived at the resort... i was handed a drink. WIN! lol. we hung around the rest of the day by the ocean and pool... which were less than 100 yards apart lol... i got hammered on rum punch and slushie drinks in the pool... good times for sure.

friday - we woke up and hit the beach... and then the pool... got some drinks.. the norm... got breakfast and all... then we all decided we wanted to do something... ended up going on an ATV tour up into the mountains. there were 6 of us that went... we did a little bit of orientation with the ATV's... i had a 330cc one... it was faily quick... automatic trans ftw. 4 miles up into the mountains to an overlook point... it was stunning... although it was raining the whole day so everything was extremely wet and muddy ftw. i was dark brown when we got back down... before returning to the base... they took us out back of their outfit... to the ocean's edge... to a cliff diving spot... it was about 20 ft above the water... and yes my fat ass jumped ... it was incredible... after that we came back to the resort and chilled around the rest of the day... "normal" stuff...

saturday - wedding day! the whole reason we went down there was for my brother's wedding ... the wedding wasnt until 1pm so after a good breakfast we hit the beach ... the ocean down there was calm and relaxing... very clear as well... we even got recruited by the one entertainment person from the resort (who we ran into several times during the weekend, named Cami) to play volleyball.. that was a good time for sure... now that im losing a bit of weight i feel great being active... ok so time rolled around to get ready for the wedding... and since i was in it i had to wear a nice ralph lauren white polo and some AE khaki shorts... looking pimp... had my aviators on.. etc.

the wedding was great... it wasnt at the resort but at a small private beach called "reggae beach" about 15 minutes down the road... lots of happy tears from everyone... etc etc...

another side note... the drivers down there are ****ing crazy. overtaking every 5 seconds... just a quick beep on the horn and flying by. and i barely saw any fast cars... just lots of crappy POS cars lol.

after the wedding we all had dinner together at one of the resorts many eateries... good food for sure... and their was also a nightly show and then the night club... which was terrible lol.. ****ty dj ftl.


Sunday - we had previously booked a jeep safari tour for sunday... it was a 5 hour tour... 17 miles up into the mountains (2700 ft above sea level).. up thru fern gully, thru ocho rios, etc etc... it was very educational and absolutely the most beautiful scenery ive seen in a very long time... it was surreal seeing alot of the stuff.. the tour ended at Dunn's River falls.. which is a waterfall that you climb.. its beautiful... but i got super burnt doing so... the pictures will show more of what im talking about with this...

sunday afternoon we came back and hit the beach... had some jerked meat (insert EL OH EL) which was actually really good... hit the pool as well... then got dressed and went to the nightly show... every night previous they got the audience involved.. so it was fun to watch... this night... they picked a girl who was with our group (britney, pretty hot) as one of the contestants... she had to go out into the audience and collect as many male shirts as she could... since our group was pretty big almost all of the guys gave her the shirts... the other 3 girls on stage had less than 5 shirts.. britney had 15... i donated 2 lol.

after that, they called all of the shirtless guys up on stage... lol yes thats right folks, my fat ass was shirtless on stage in front of 600+ people... anyway, the contest continued... they made each of us do a sexy walk/dance over to britney who was seated on one end of the stage... and since i was apparently the only one who knew how to dance at all... i had the whole place cheering... so i moved onto the next round along with 3 other guys... my brother, his wife's younger brother, and some muscular guy from canada...

they sat us in 4 chairs on the stage and made us pick our favorite female celebrity... i said angelina jolie... then of course... we had to go out and find a girl in the audience who looked like that celebrity... i found a girl in the back and got her to come up with me... she was pretty cute... anyway...

they then made us lay down on the stage and do pushups with the girl on our backs... im like OH ****... cause in my eyes im pretty effing weak... my brother had his wife on his back and was able to do 3 pushups... then micheal (her little brother) had a j-lo look alike on his back and barely got 3... then the canadian guy had a "lil' kim" look alike... who was about 5'10 and white... (he was trying to be funny but no body got the joke)... i figured this kid was going to kill it and get like 10.. but he failed and only got 4... then it was my turn... the girl looked slightly nervous... i was nervous as hell.. but adrenaline was pumping... i looked down at the stage... pumped 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and was in the middle of doing a 6th but they stopped me because the entire place was roaring and the music was going... i won that ****...

so after that i went backstage and turn the corner to see my brother, micheal, and the canadian kid, in wigs and dresses, ... my jaw drops and i start laughing... (the previous night they did a skit like this with the entertainers.. it was pretty funny)... anyway, they start yelling and telling me to get into this dress that was hanging... and a blonde wig... i was to be Celine Dion... thats right... i wore a dress and wig in front of 600 people lol.. anyway, i was last to go... i walk over to where they were holding the curtain open and i step out... the crowd EXPLODES!... they ****ing loved my fat ass. i stood out there lip syncing to the titantic song she did.. and a funny skit was going on behind me... long story shorter... i ended up taking it... i had that place roaring the entire night... my brother and micheal apparently also did well even tho i wasnt able to see them...

after that i was still all jacked on adrenaline (i felt like i was going to puke because my abs were so tight from the pushups) so i just kinda hung around... talked to Cami and got her email address and phone number... i actually won a trip to dolphin cove for winning the Mr. Riu contest but gave it to my brother and his wife because they were staying longer than me... and i got some other stuff... after a few drinks and chilling, we hit the sheets... burnt, tired, excited, etc.

monday was our last day.. we all got up semi early and got packed... and hit the long road back to the airport listening to the annoying bus driver tell us ****ty tidbits of jamaican history that i was tired of hearing... the flight back was ok with the exception of a little turbulence and a creepy nigerian lady sitting next to me...

there are tons of little things i missed but thats the meat of the story... it was an incredible experience...

[igo4bmx]

allthat****.jpg

[CHAOS]

haha.

[Kerplunk105]

Sounds like you had a great time

[Gorilla Unit 33]

I EL OH EL DUH all over your story! lol. Sounds like a hell of a time, except for the plane ride but from what i here (i never took a plane anywhere) there not much fun at times.

[poisonivory]

been to Montego Bay.....Sunset Beach resort...had a blast, even though we got hit with a hurricane our last 2 days there. All inclusive for the win!

I didnt read your entire story, but I didnt see anything about Dunns River Falls? If you didnt climb the falls, you missed one hell of an experience bro (to me at least, i loved it....others i was with hated it..lol), but sounds like you had fun nonetheless.

[lownslow95]

Sounds like you had a good time, and nice weather ftw!

[Jon@WrightAgency]

Jon, i had no idea that you were in JA man! Prally why you didnt answer my phone call the other day

Sounds like an amazing experience and one you will never forget. Did you happen to notice the window tint on the cars down there? EVERY window tinted EXTREMELY dark, even the front windshield, with just a tiny strip of "window" for the eye-line of the driver to see out LOL.

Welcome back man...(waiting for pics)

[biz]

Originally Posted by poisonivory

been to Montego Bay.....Sunset Beach resort...had a blast. All inclusive for the win!

that place is amazing, went with a friend 4 or 5 years ago (i was like... 15?) free food and free drinks = amazing, with the amount of food and beverage i consumed personally over the course of a week, would have easily cost over 1000$ at a normal resort.

after reading that story, it makes me want to go back!

(except the U.S. virgin islands (st. john) is equally as good, if not better)

[CHAOS]

haha yea, the sun down there is BRUTAL... my shoulders and arms argree lol... aloe ftw.


and yea thats why i missed it haha... i didnt turn my phone back on until yesterday.

[05Accent]

haha thats great!!! sound like it was fun!

[driftingrx5.7]

sounds like fun man! i love the fat lady sitting next to you that made my morning!

[OMGz Turbo]

damn jon sounds like u had a good time congrats

[turbo4g63]

I love it down there...i've been there 5 times. Def. gorgeous. I agree that the people down there are ****ing nuts while driving. Who knew you could make a 100whp pos bus carrying 20 people go so fast? I would love to go down again sometime, hopefully sooner than later.

[WRX_JB]

Haha , i wanan go down so bad

[poisonivory]

Originally Posted by biz

that place is amazing, went with a friend 4 or 5 years ago (i was like... 15?) free food and free drinks = amazing, with the amount of food and beverage i consumed personally over the course of a week, would have easily cost over 1000$ at a normal resort.

after reading that story, it makes me want to go back!

(except the U.S. virgin islands (st. john) is equally as good, if not better)

agreed, i paid 950 for 4 nights and 5 days all inclusive (w/ air fare)...my food/alcohol tab alone would have cost more if i was paying cash.

The water park is done now though, it was still being built when iw as down there. And becuase the hurrican hit us, we couldnt do the trampolines at Margaritaville the day we were supposed to.

it is strange though, when you're on those buses the guide will be like "to your left you see a family living out of an ocean freight container, washing their clothes in a stream...now if you look to your right, you'll see Steven Segals summer mansion!!" lol

[05suby]

haha im trying to go this summer. everyone always tells me its crazy nice down there. looking forward to the pics.

[Mrjaydeeone]

great story. sounds like you had a great time. what resort did you stay at?
@ another thing that i found interesting is that, they really do talk like "YA MON, NO PROBLEM, and IRIE" ... i almost thought it was a schtick on the way in but EVERYONE talks like that... this is so true. When me and my fiance went back in December that's exactly how it was.

[240sxDann]

dude that sounds awesome! I wish someone would do something that let me go somewhere cool! I havn't gone anywhere cool like ever hahaha. fail. anyways...dude...gotta get those pics, it sounds awesome! coulda at least offered to stuff me in a suit case

[Spocknasty]

Good read.

Did you try out for the bobsled team?