Paragraph - TriStateTuners.com :: Home of Tristate Auto Enthusiast

CleanNeon98 · 09-09-2006, 01:24 AM

OK so our teacher told us to write a paragraph by monday desrcibing a place of importance and happiness to us..sort of a small oasis, or perhaps a place we didnt like much, so I did mine on freshworks (a bit exxagerated to make it more interesting and acceptable to her standards)..

Here were the rules

Paragraph must be in 3rd person view
Must be at least 250 words
Rough draft

this is due monday...any hints or corrections I can work on would be apretiated

The Thursday night hotspot is none other than the TriState Tuners meets at freshworks. Coming every week, and seeing nearly 100 custom cars in a single locale from all over the east coast is really something that cannot be fully appreciated until it is seen in person. There are people from different racial groups, different clubs, and with different cars and bikes, all gathered in the same location for a single reason; to communicate their lifestyle to the public. There are always the same designated sections for American Muscle, Import tuner, Bikes, Trucks, and luxury as well as some high-end exotics, and while these sections house almost the same vehicles every week, there is never a dull moment. Hearing the Evolution group bounce their limiters, and the ever so gentle sound of turbochargers is nothing short of amazing. One can almost feel in the presence of racecars. Walking from section to section, almost all 400 visitors from the local area can find something to appreciate, and someone to communicate with about a similar interest or even share a story. One can never be short of stunned by the owners of the cars present opening their doors, and hearts to the public, allowing almost anyone to sit in the drivers seat, see under the hood, and share a similar setup. Every week, the lines of scorched tire get longer and wider, and the aroma of burning rubber gets deep to the senses, that taste buds are awoken. Leaving the show, its definitely common to see a few races happening on long un-populated roads, and while the winner gets no prize, monetary or stationary, the winner gets to be proud of the money and time went into the vehicle. The show itself is nothing short of a Fast & Furious film, and cannot be fully experienced until it is participated in.

igo4bmx · 09-09-2006, 02:22 AM

Bull**** Asshole No One Likes The Tune Here

CleanNeon98 · 09-09-2006, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by igo4bmx

Bull**** Asshole No One Likes The Tune Here

Noone else commented so you can go **** yourself

I asked for advice not smart alleck remarks

igo4bmx · 09-09-2006, 10:30 AM

sounds ok- but i would start the paragraph with vague yet pleasant descriptions of what it is...
something like
"Every thursday night, you can hear the sound of turbochargers spinning, the deep rumble of exhaust systems, with the sound of mild conversation in the background...."

i think that would make it more interesting to start the paragraph very descriptive then go from there.

CleanNeon98 · 09-09-2006, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by igo4bmx

sounds ok- but i would start the paragraph with vague yet pleasant descriptions of what it is...
something like
"Every thursday night, you can hear the sound of turbochargers spinning, the deep rumble of exhaust systems, with the sound of mild conversation in the background...."

i think that would make it more interesting to start the paragraph very descriptive then go from there.

Advice taken. Also, the paragraph has to have a topic sentence in the beginning, and im thinking that can be it

MPowerKai · 09-09-2006, 10:55 AM

every friday night at 10pm on the sci fi channel......

CleanNeon98 · 09-09-2006, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MPowerKai

every friday night at 10pm on the sci fi channel......

Well my major IS business. Gotta be able to hussle

09-09-2006, 01:24 AM	#1
CleanNeon98 TST Ruined My Life! Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Philadelphia Member #2029 My Ride: "Honey Badger" Turbo Miata iTrader: (8)	Paragraph OK so our teacher told us to write a paragraph by monday desrcibing a place of importance and happiness to us..sort of a small oasis, or perhaps a place we didnt like much, so I did mine on freshworks (a bit exxagerated to make it more interesting and acceptable to her standards).. Here were the rules Paragraph must be in 3rd person view Must be at least 250 words Rough draft this is due monday...any hints or corrections I can work on would be apretiated The Thursday night hotspot is none other than the TriState Tuners meets at freshworks. Coming every week, and seeing nearly 100 custom cars in a single locale from all over the east coast is really something that cannot be fully appreciated until it is seen in person. There are people from different racial groups, different clubs, and with different cars and bikes, all gathered in the same location for a single reason; to communicate their lifestyle to the public. There are always the same designated sections for American Muscle, Import tuner, Bikes, Trucks, and luxury as well as some high-end exotics, and while these sections house almost the same vehicles every week, there is never a dull moment. Hearing the Evolution group bounce their limiters, and the ever so gentle sound of turbochargers is nothing short of amazing. One can almost feel in the presence of racecars. Walking from section to section, almost all 400 visitors from the local area can find something to appreciate, and someone to communicate with about a similar interest or even share a story. One can never be short of stunned by the owners of the cars present opening their doors, and hearts to the public, allowing almost anyone to sit in the drivers seat, see under the hood, and share a similar setup. Every week, the lines of scorched tire get longer and wider, and the aroma of burning rubber gets deep to the senses, that taste buds are awoken. Leaving the show, its definitely common to see a few races happening on long un-populated roads, and while the winner gets no prize, monetary or stationary, the winner gets to be proud of the money and time went into the vehicle. The show itself is nothing short of a Fast & Furious film, and cannot be fully experienced until it is participated in. __________________ 2004 MAZDASPEED MX-5 : 328whp / 308wtq / 2500lbs 2012 Toyota Prius 2 : Daily Driver

09-09-2006, 02:22 AM	#2
igo4bmx Tri-State Post Whore Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Under the bar... Member #592 My Ride: 2009 Audi A3 Quattro, 2008 BMW X5, 2003 WW Evo8, 2000 Turbo SOHC Civic iTrader: (1)	Bull**** Asshole No One Likes The Tune Here __________________ BOOST doesn't get you laid. Roofies and some creativity does however Tuned by some white dude @ a shopwithbigtrucks.com "You get what you pay for" - thanks captain obvious, unless you bought rotas and received volks.

09-09-2006, 10:30 AM	#4
igo4bmx Tri-State Post Whore Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Under the bar... Member #592 My Ride: 2009 Audi A3 Quattro, 2008 BMW X5, 2003 WW Evo8, 2000 Turbo SOHC Civic iTrader: (1)	sounds ok- but i would start the paragraph with vague yet pleasant descriptions of what it is... something like "Every thursday night, you can hear the sound of turbochargers spinning, the deep rumble of exhaust systems, with the sound of mild conversation in the background...." i think that would make it more interesting to start the paragraph very descriptive then go from there. __________________ BOOST doesn't get you laid. Roofies and some creativity does however Tuned by some white dude @ a shopwithbigtrucks.com "You get what you pay for" - thanks captain obvious, unless you bought rotas and received volks.