[99SL2_Modder]

You know you're a Saturn owner when... (will be updated frequently)

-You park in the middle of nowhere at the grocery and come out to see a crowd of people giggling about how the basket they just pushed into your car just bounced off.

-You buy EVERY bolt on for your car and PRAY to put 150 to the wheels.

-You see someone has locked their keys in their car and you say "Don't worry, I got it."

-You spin your tires and later discover a 3" hole in the side of your transmission.

-You know all the right spots to hit or wiggle in your interior to get certain rattles to stop.

-You reset your PCM more than you fill the gas tank.

-You buy a $500 car that was essentially junk, start a project, spend ****loads of money you don't have to buy parts, you lose your wife and children, your dog runs away, then you sell the parts you've accumulated to get your life back in line.

-You jb weld your trans leak.

-You pound your car as hard as your wife.

-Your wife has a smaller hole than your tranny.

-Chuck Norris won't even fight you.

-You're doing diagnostics, you don't go to a mechanic, you look for a secretary, and see if she has a paperclip.

-You go to Radio Shack to get all your aftermarket goodies

-1 quart low at an oil change is excellent.

-You drill oil return holes in the pistons to fix the factories bad design.

-Instead of getting a set of cams reground you just install 2 intake cams.

-You don't even notice that the SES light is on, and when it goes off, you wonder why.

-You know the car is running right BECAUSE the SES light is on.

-You upgrade to a sport suspension so you dont feel every bump in the road.

-You pay $1200 for the optional auto tranny, only to buy a parts car later for the standard one.

-Your car takes 10 seconds to start (97 fuel pump)

-Your car wont start under 35 dF (Ion)

-You buy stocks in oil companies, and use the money earned on stocks to buy more oil.

-Your heart skips a beat when the wheels spin, praying the diff pin didnt slip out.

-You can tell what is wrong with your car without leaving the driver seat

-You get asked time and time again "Are they REALLY dent resistant?" and beat the heck out of the door panel and watch them shriek, and it pops back everytime.

-Your block looks like styrofoam padding for a radio or something.

-You just turn up the radio one more notch when you hear ANOTHER creak or rattle

-You complain about only getting 35 mpg on that last tank of gas.

-You frequently hear "But it's a Saturn"

-Your interior sounds like a vibrating dildo factory.

-You cant sit straight up because your seats suck.

-Your sunroof leaks water into your forehead.

-Your shifter cable come off for no reason.

-Your radiator endtank explodes because you sneezed.

-You cant put more then one person in the backseat. (sc2)

-Your body panel didnt dent, but sure has a nice crack.

-Your car runs like crap for months and months on end to find it was all started by a 10$ sensor.

-You can watch the gas level needle go down while youre at WOT.

-You dont go anywhere at WOT.

-You look for the best looking cars in the junkyard.

-At every gas stop, you fill the engine with as much oil, as gas you just put in.

-The SES light has been on for so long it burns out.

-There are only 3 aftermarket vendors for your car...2 that rip you off, and the 3rd one you wonder about sometimes.

-Your SES light gives up and shuts itself off (OBDII, slow o2 sensor code)

-You laugh at the guy with the b18 swap when all he can talk about is how much horsepower he'll get out of this turbo he got, which he will actually never be able to spool below 7000 RPM. You ask him what his target air/fuel is and he says 40mpg.

-You automatically push the passenger side seatbelt latch down when it starts to rattle back and forth.

-You carry everything in the back seat because your trunk is full of replaced stock parts.

-The parts in your trunk are worth more than the actual car.

-You walk a quarter mile across the junkyard to pull one fuse and one sensor from a Saturn, when you could have pulled it from the chevy right next to the door.

-You actually know where the Saturns are in your local junk yard.

-You have pulled an engine from the core motor (blown) bin for spare parts or even a total head swap.

-You can do air/fuel and spark advance for $15, including the soldering iron.

-You know you're screwed when dash lights come on, the car broke before they decided to tell you.

-You can spot another saturn in the dark from 100 yards and wonder if it would make a good parts car.

-You can relate to your car as "rubbermaid".

-You bash Hondas like crazy to mask your fear of them.

-You start using your trip odometer instead of the fuel guage to see when you have to fill up.

-You wax your car with a power buffer just to find out that all the vibrating cracked the panel right in half.

-You pray that when you take off your interior trim at least 1 clip wont break so that you can re-install it.

-You can swap engines in a few hours...in the middle of winter...in your driveway...drunk.

-Every used car you buy, you pull the plugs and shake your head when you see they're platinum tipped.

-$12 in volatile chemicals can bring your oil consumption down to a quart every 1500 miles, and you're thankful for that.

-Not only can you differentiate the model and trim of similar cars, but you can point out the rare 96 SC2 with the manual seatbelts and OBDII just from the taillights and spoiler.

-Its not 'red, green, or purple' but 'Maroon, Aquamarine, or Doom Plum'.

-When half an atmosphere doubles your power.

-You throw snowballs at your car in the winter and laugh as they don't stick to the fenders (bounce instead of splat), but chirp the alarm.

-If a certain performance part isn't made for your car, you buy one for a similar car and make it work.

-The letters SOHC stand for paperweight.

-Half of your tool collection is in your trunk cause you think the minute you take them out, breakdown.

-You put your beverage in the right cupholder because you use 1st more than 5th.

-If you refer to the void between The passenger seat and the e-brake as the cup holder, cuz the only 2 the morons put in your car are in the back. (1G)

-You take all the fuses out of a parts car, because you know in the winter time the automatic seat belts on your 92SC2 or 94 SW2 are going to blow the fuse.

-You defend the quality of your car with a discussion about space frames.

-Mentions of "fantastic plastic" don't necessarily refer to a credit card.

-You can help half the people who have techical problems simply by being able to tell them how to clean their throttlebody or change their ECTS.

-You know what ECTS means.

-You blame all your problems on someone called "teb".

-You are lucky enough to have a real cupholder up front, you hate it caise it won't hold a big gulp.

-You have to smack the steering column to make the annoying keyminder stop chiming.

-You leave your 1g SC2 headlights on "open" to keep the grinding noise at bay.

-You have a 2x4 propping up your driver's seat because the recliner recall wasn't done.

-You don't know how many miles you have on your car at night.(Mid 98-02)

-You are proud that your car has had 87,144 miles for the past 5 years. (91-94 S)

-You can call the Saturn parts department and use the exact terminology as the parts catalog.

-You also already knew you had the first or second design ____.

-You call you're parts store and ask for "the usual".

-You have 2 97's and can tell which key goes to which car by sight.

-You stop to get gas, and you automatically put in 1/2 quart of oil and KNOW that was enough without checking the level.

-The sight of the oil light at key up scares you.

-You lost your keyless entry remote and had an alarm installed because it was cheaper and came with 2 remotes.

-You stop to tell another Saturn owner that is stranded on the side of the road what's wrong with their car.

-You offer to sell them the new part that you have in your trunk.

-Your primary toolbox contains 7mm, 8mm, 10mm, 13mm, 14mm, 15mm, 18mm, 19mm, and 21mm tools only, and you're 5/8 plug socket is soaked in oil.

-Your domelamp is being held in by a zip tie.

-You have to wedge the parking brake handle up with a soft drink bottle because the locking button flew off.

-You carry tissues in your car to stuff in between panels when a new rattle appears.