The Drunk Funnies Thread "Real Official Sheet*
 

So we have all been there at one time or another. Drunk and wasted off our ass. Lets see what some of you have done funny and stupid while you were all boozed up.

My Funny:
I was at the beach on the boardwalk and I was drinking with my girlfriend's bro. I ran into some lady on the boardwalk and she flipped ****, so I said "Bitch I am ****ing DMX, I do what I want." She looked lost and decided I was already gone lol.

^^I know it's nothing great but I'm young so much has still to happen.

o christ...i have so many. I'll start thinking and get back to this.

my and my friend ordered dominos and i was upstairs for some reason and when the guy rang the door i ran down fell and layed there for like 10 mins and the guy just opened the door and helped me up haha we were talking but i dont know what i was saying haha

the night of my 21st birthday, i faceplanted off the bed. pretty embarassing, except it was just my boyfriend there haha

omg i can recall so many times. staring at a christmas tree, peeing in public in west chester. devouring 2 whole pizzas between 3 people in 5 mins. its hard to recall some events, haha

oh jesus.. where to start..

second night of my freshman year I was wasted with my friends and we took a bus to the main campus to go party elsewhere. I needed to piss so I walked to the corner of the closest building and started to let it fly when 2 cops walk out the door and freeze right behind me. I was pissing on the damn campus police station. That did not end well.

Soph year I was visiting some friends at another school and we had gone out one night partying pretty hard. I woke up without my pants like 4 blocks from my hotel. So still drunk I'm stumbling back into the place when a cop and a woman at the reception desk scream towards me as I head towards the elevators. I'm thinking I'm about to spend the night in jail but it turns out they had my pants at the counter. I thanked them and threw up in the elevator on the way back to my room.

There's another story that involves me and some guys girlfriend and me breaking my ankle after getting thrown off of a balcony by a group of frat brothers and then the fraternity getting permanently removed from campus but that's for another time.

Wow... Well, you'd hafta ask the sober people I was with for my really good times but I do believe the quote " Hey You, with the face!" came from an alcohol induced stooper...

My buddy nick's best one... " I'm sober enough to drink but drunk enough to drunk" while SCREAMING @ me, trying to convince me that he could keep taking shots of Cuervo :bigeek:

no good stories yet, but i did go to class with a nice buzz the other day, i think i did well on my test too.

i pissed my bed once...

oh god damnit, i'm getting myself confused with snowboy!


actually, i don't have any good drunk stories b/c i don't attempt, or intend, or enjoy, getting real **** face.

Me **** faced usually ends up with me sleeping on the bathroom floor with the shower going... nothing special

I threw up in a Cemetary...That was after a Night out in Philly...I was like crawling through a Puddle trying to get back into my car and I just Yacked Everywhere.

One Time when I was living with my Old roomate Karl we threw a party...Had some shots of Jack...Long story short...Jumped off the kitchen table face planted onto the floor and stumbled to the bathroom...But our Landlord lived below us and she wasnt a happy camper...Lol

Oh I have so many...

oh man.... so many stories over the past few years.

About a week after I turned 21, myself and a bunch of co-workers went to a local D&B for drinks and food. Well, I opted out of the food part, and drank. A lot. About a dozen Jager-bombs, and 5-6 of the 25oz beers. After all that mess, I was walking around, but had no idea wtf was going on. At some point in the night, I was THROWN over my managers shoulder, over a table, and on to the ground. To this day, I do not recall that happening, and neither does he.

On the ride home that night, I told the kid who was driving to drop me off at my apt, which was literally about 3 min from D&B. Instead, he decides that im still good to go, and play beer pong at a friends house, 30 min away. During the drive, I open his window, and start puking down I95. On teh outside of the door, interior, and seats. Badly. Get to this kids house, and pass out, face down in a trash can. I woke up, still drunk, and literally spent a good 20 min trying to just figure out where the hell I was.

That literally was the last time I drank like that, espically with Jager.

**Note: Most of this story is second hand, as I don't remember most of that night**

I have a bad habit of pissing on peoples walls/floors. And once I hit an electrical outlet, in my friends, moms room.

Jager and jack Daniels...Both Make me Completely Ridiculous when I consume Mass quantities.

Jager makes me angry.

Your not drinking at my apt.

lol. Its only if I get REALLY drunk, and it takes alot. The best is when I pissed on my friends dog. good thing he was a small dog. Needless to say that dog always growled at me.

Another story that I just remembered...

My roommate had some friends up from NY for the weekend, and one of our friends from Mass. was also down for hte weekend, so we all went out drinking, heavily. Got back to the apt, and everyone was starting to get ready to pass out, and two people (guy and girl) went into my roommates room, and locked out my roommate from sleeping in his own bed. So, after realizing this, my roommate starts ramming his head into the door, yelling at them to let him in, to no avail. So, he walked into another one of my roommates room, and starts to pass out on the floor. Realized as soon as his eyes were closed, he had to puke, and it was not going to wait. So me and my buddy from MA took him to the bathroom, and after making sure he was ok for a few, both left him to pass out. Well, after my roommate was done puking (which, btw, was louder then hell), he went into the living room to pass out, and did so, ON TOP OF the kid from MA. Now, also in the living room, there was another couple on an air mattress in there, and a 3rd girl by herself on the couch. Well, at some point during the night, the girl on the couch invited the kid from MA to the couch, and they started going at it. The last thing my roommate remembers was something slapping him in the back of the head, which turned out to be this dudes ass.

Yea, he wasn't happy about that at all.

Telling my Taxi drive to pull over so I can kill people then come back in the car at 4 am in AC
I found myself at some chicks house after a night at the bar beating boxing into a microphone while people were dancing to it ( I can't beat box)
One time carding people at a bar and having them pay me cover for about 20 mins
Stealing all the vegetables on a veggie dip tray and stuffing them in my pocket and handing them out on the street
At concerts when I'm drunk and want to beat the crowd out of the place, I hold my nose like i'm hurt and bleeding and scream i'm bleeding and people get out of the way so I make it to my car first.


you could also just search for my name in OT and you should see like 2 dozen drunk threads

i lolled

how much did u make that night charging people for cover? your pretty crazy man