| twastheglow |
12-20-2008 12:27 PM |
So here's how my night went...
My girlfriend and I go out to a bar to get some food. There's only one table in the place available. We sit down to see that her psycho ex boyfriend sat behind her looking at me and my psycho ex-girlfriend was sitting behind me staring at her, and there was a girl to my right I was banging out for a while whom wouldn't stop giving me looks. That's where the akwardness started. LOL
Then we went to a party at my friends house. There were a bunch of my friends I haven't seen in years so everyone insisted on telling stories about me. LMFAO!!!
Stories about how we'd go to the neighboring school district when we were in highschool and go to their parties and hook up with their girls. How I'd play darts in people's houses with lawndarts, or how me a couple friends would swap the living room furniture with the patio furniture, or how I **** in people's pillow cases and pissed in beer bottles and recapped them and put them back in the refrigerator or put kids 6-packs in the oven @ 350* until it exploded and ruined the heating element or how I put tinfoil in the microwaves or how I accidentally set a wicker furniture set on fire in some girls living room and tried putting it out with her $450 boots (that also caught on fire) then ruined everything in the room with a fire extinguisher. Or how we dragged a washer and dryer from the walk out basement out to the road and ran it over with my '85 suburban or how the night before homecoming for that same school I did donuts in their football field ****ING it up bad! Another one was how this girl wouldn't hook up with me after I drove all the way over to her house, so needless to say I was not happy. I was at her house with my brother and my friend Kyle. Her parents weren't home. Since I was pretty pissed that I drove over there and didn't get my dick wet, I called every single person I knew to come to her house for a party. Keep in mind, she was not from my school so she didn't know ANYONE that showed up. An hour later there was like 90-100 people bumping in her house and my brother, Kyle and I decided to bounce. She had this HUGE freezer in the garage full of food that was supposed to be for some huge family party the next day. She told everyone all night to not touch anything. So naturally we unloaded that thing into the back seat of my '87 Celebrity and drove around town just ****ing eating. On the way home there was a dude riding a bike on the side of the road and I pelted his ass with a huge frozen steak. That dude hit the pavement so hard! When he saw what it was, he put it in his bag and rode off. The cops showed up at my work the next day...but obviously I denied everything. LMFAO!!!
But the straw that broke the camel's back with my girlfriend was all the stories about girls I dug out. She had had enough when she heard 2 different epic stories...1) I ****ed 2 girls in a Wendy's bathroom and got caught by the manager like a couple years ago. LOL And also when I was in 11th grade, I was trying to **** this student teacher sooo bad. So one day I'd had enough with blatantly asking her and threw my cock and balls on her desk in the middle of class to show her my "piercings". I'll never live that story down!!! Ever!!!
Basically, my girlfriend was not impressed with my clear-cut awesomeness.
But she couldn't have been that mad...it didn't keep me from putting it in her butt later that night. Just saying...
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