You're not being a pussy, you just need to learn about and get comfortable with a few different kinds of guns.
For everyday carry, home defense, or even just a range toy - learn how to handle a gun properly from the start without a safety. If you choose to add one later (you probably won't), buy a different gun with a safety.
External safeties are for 1911s - they're made to be carried in condition 1, "cocked and locked" (Munky's Kimber for example). That's because of their design, being SAO. In my opinion, external safeties have absolutely no business being on any non-1911 gun, especially on someone's first gun or one that they're learning on. Safeties do nothing but breed bad gun handling habits. The idea of "nah, it's cool the safety is on" is a very dangerous one. Even if you're a good shooter and you're mostly good about general safety when handling the gun, you'll always rely on the safety like a crutch in some way or another.
No matter whether the gun is doing nothing but sitting around at home or if you're carrying it, it's always going to be in a holster anyway unless you're cleaning it or messing with it (with no ammo in sight). When the gun leaves the holster, your trigger finger discipline is good enough that you never put the finger inside the trigger guard anyway, so there's no need for a safety at all. You'll realize that your trigger finger is the only safety you need. "Keep your booger-hook off the bang-switch" is what my dad loves to say.
For those people who say having a safety is a good backup for redundancy as a 'just in case', or that it somehow makes the gun safer at all - I say those people have no business handling guns at all. If you can't keep your finger outside the trigger guard until you're ready to destroy something then you need to reevaluate your thoughts on keeping a gun around.
As for caliber, no matter what you choose, you need to get a self defense caliber. .380/.38 is the smallest (I should say 'weakest') acceptable caliber for SD and that's only because it allows you to carry a very small gun like a P238, P380, LCP/LCR, P3AT, etc. .357Sig, 9mm, .40S&W, .45ACP are all relatively equal and should be considered for SD use. Never a .22... ever. Cost should never be a factor. For the price of a .22, you can always buy a 9mm.
About calibers for self defense, read this:
http://www.firearmstactical.com/pdf/fbi-hwfe.pdf